BACK

WHICH WAY WILL YOU GO?

I am very fond of the Star Wars series. In this story, the villain and the hero are mirror images. This is a truth. All people embody these two characters and we are but a step from the edge of light or dark. The "Force" or life energy is within our control and we choose the path we will take. Obi Wan Kenobi reminds us to "Feel the force." By doing so, we learn to master it.

 

         Welcome to the Crossroads Question and Answer page. The questions found here are from parents, teens, youth workers, therapists and other care givers. The answers are from years of experience using stories to reach at-risk youth and study in trauma. We do not propose to have all the answers to all the questions, nor do we claim that our answers and ideas are the only ones or the perfect ones. Please keep this in mind when reading. Thank you.                                        

  

Question 1: When should you use healing stories? 

Answer: There are some stories that are obviously healing and most have hidden metaphors that hold answers to serious questions. Yet, healing can be found in stories even when the storyteller or listener has not intended the story to do so. We can use story to heal at all times. However, a more important issue would be to be mindful of this fact. The storyteller has a responsibility to be vigilant of the power of story, watch the audience as much as possible, be accessible if a listener needs clarification, and let the story do the work as much as possible.

Question 2: How should I record stories; video, tape, transcribe?

Answer: Always be mindful of confidentiality issues. Minors will need permission. It is proper and safe to take personal notes without recording names. You could assign numbers or pseudo names for your own use. Some minors cannot be photographed, some cannot have voices recorded, some cannot have names or even pseudo names in print. CAUTION in each situation is advised.

Question 3: How could urban legends be used?

Answer: An urban legend is basically a lie propagated as true. They are often sensational but always believable. This is because they happen locally and to you or someone you know. They are good lessons in "not jumping to conclusions." Many at-risk kids could be said to be living urban legends, but in a real sense. I would use these stories as tools for helping young people find the truth. I don't see them as particularly healing. However, they are great "ice-breakers" if you have youth who do not want to talk. Tell and urban legend and before you know it, everybody will have something to say.

Question 4: How can I put my personal tragedies into a form for working with grieving parents?

Answer: Telling your own story when you expect others to share theirs is a very important part of the process. I have found that the mutual respect that comes from sharing yourself, strengthens the bond with the listener or client. It makes you "real." On the other hand, it is very important o be sure this is why you are telling your own experiences. Never use the listener as your own therapy. If you aren't healed from your experience to the point where it can be all about the client, not you, then you are not ready to tell that story yet. When it is time to tell your experiences, the form can be almost anything; a true life tale, song or poem, fairytale. Be open and honest with the parents about whether it is a true story, why you are telling it and how you learned from it. I think you will find the parents will share in return.  

Question 5: How can I make the point sensitively and helpful?

Answer: If you use your story for the right reasons, your sensitivity and caring will shine through.

Question 6: Is working with an all boys group different from an all girls group?

 

Answer: I have found the boys more responsive when in groups with girls. When working with them alone, there seems to be this wall they put up to protect themselves from showing their true selves in front of the other boys. This happens to girls sometimes also. All behaviors serve a purpose. These kids need to protect themselves. For us, we need to keep in mind that we may be projecting our own expectations onto them. We need to trust the stories we are telling and let them do their work. I think you may be reaching them but they aren't letting you know it yet.
    It is particularly difficult when you may have a single opportunity to reach a young person. If you are fortunate enough to have them for more than one session, things will happen eventually. I have found it sometimes takes a full four visits or longer just to gain the trust it takes to expect the youth to become active participants. If you are trying to meet a schedule where you must show success in your time frame, it may not happen. The process of sharing the gift of story can be very powerful but a "product" may not come to fruition, or it may not look as we expect it to look.
    I hope this makes sense. I have no secrets to share that will make working with the boys, or girls for that matter, successful. I have used art, rewards, drumming, hero tales, trickster tales, but nothing works until you make that soulful connection. And...you can't force that to happen. Relax, trust what you are doing, be real, give the gift, and it will take place on its own. It will take time. And it may not be what you expect.